Happy.

Finally, with much certainty, I can say that I, Andy Phillips, am still alive.

The sun is out today, this time leaving behind some of it's warmth, the snow has left the ground and has retreated for another year, and, as a hint of green begins to unearth from the yellow fields it is very clear that Spring is not too far behind. We are waiting. 

A lot has happened these past few weeks. A lot.

First I flew home for Easter to see my family and got to visit my dear little Hearthstone. It was wonderful seeing so many familiar faces and catching up. I miss it- after all it has practically been my home for the last few years. The horses were all happy and content. It was great seeing them. Jochen is going to do a clinic there in a couple of weeks. I am so excited.

The week I got back Conrad Schumacher was doing a clinic and I was offered a chance to ride with him. After a lesson or a clinic or watching a video I always try to summarize in my head exactly what it is I liked/ didn't like/ thought was good/ didn't work/ etc. I think it is very important, especially if I ever hope to be a trainer some day that I create this ideal in my head of how I wish to ride and how I want my horses to go. To this day I'm not 100% sure of what I thought of my lesson. Ultimately his point was that Caruso needs to be quicker off my aids- quicker off one stronger aid rather than 4 little ones. That is a good point. I will take that and work with it. However, in this effort I thought we made Caruso run around quite a bit creating a horse that was tired and exhausted rather than a horse that was soft and willing. Ironically, a tired horse doesn't want to respond actively unless he does so out of fear. Caruso wasn't impressed. Anyways I ended up real confused. Confused and frustrated. Frustrated more so at the fact that there is not just one correct way that everyone teaches. I can't help but think that if I'm this confused, surely there are hundreds more just as confused as me. Moreover, there are hundreds of very confused horses as well. I need to fix that. Singlehandedly I will fix that :) Throughout my confusion however Caruso still knows best. He likes Jochen. I need to remember to listen to him more. I trust him. So, I guess I did get a lot from the clinic.  

That week I asked the vet to look at a cut on Caruso's leg that had begun to grow outwardly. He determined it was proud flesh, not that big of a deal, and just said that I needed to treat it and wrap it regularly. Anyways, after that episode I was sent to Saddler's Row, a tack shop where I was told I could get vet wrap and a couple other odds and ends I needed. It was heaven. It might not have been real actually- maybe I dreamed about it. Who knows. This tack shop was, literally, 5 times the size of Charlotte's Saddlery and carried everything. That was how I spent my day; spending thousands of dollars in my head. I was very good at fighting all my urges to throw my money at everything I saw, but ultimately I gave in when it came to the DVDs. I bought one Dressage Clinic video of Volker Brommann, and one VHS of Isabell Werth training with Dr. Uwe Schulten-Baumer (hopefully I can convert it to DVD). Two good buys. It was a good day.

Last Monday there was a guy who flew in from Austria to work on the airs above the ground and long lining with all the horses. He worked about 25 horses a day. Our days were spent making sure each horse was ready and lounged before he worked them. It was quite a hectic 3 days. From him I learned how to do the levade, and got to practice it on several horses. That was fun. He also got to longline Caruso one day. He worked on half steps. My boy knows what he's doing. Caruso was brilliant, even this guy said so.

That Thursday we left at 5 AM with 8 of the stallions to do a 3-day exhibition at a giant horse fair in Indianapolis, Indiana. Let me tell you, managing 8 stallions in a show like environment is no easy feat. As working students, we were in charge of making sure the stalls we constantly cleaned, the horses had hay and were watered, the tack was clean, all 8 horses were perfectly white, the isles were swept regularly (as the barns were open to the public), the horses were tacked up and lounged before the performances, and that we actually did well during the performance. For the performance I did the levade segment on this wonderfully reliable, sane, easy stallion with my exact same birthday (May 25, 1989). It was so great as this horse knew exactly what to do, when to do it, and he made me look like I knew a heck of a lot more than I did. It was great. We performed Friday-Sunday and got back late last night. It was exhausting, but such a rush. 

So here I am. I got the day off today. I rode Caruso this morning. He was wonderful. Really though, he was. I missed riding so much while I was gone, but especially riding him. It makes me crazy when I can't ride, especially when I'm surrounded by horses and I can't ride. I need it, and my life would be quite sad without it. 

I went for a trail ride for the first time today. Me and Caruso braved the cold, strong wind in exchange for the beauty of the sun and the grass. As I looked out seeing nothing but fields and trees and nature, and I sat on the horse which I love, I couldn't help but feel that this is exactly where me and Caruso are supposed to be, and once again that this is what I was made to do.

I am alive.