Happy.

Life is good.

I am in Virginia. Caruso is happy. I am happy.

Life is good.

I have been here about 2 weeks and being here just feels right, what else can I say? I am riding horses and am loving it. I am riding Caruso and am loving it.

I feel relieved. I feel free. I feel at peace because I know that whatever happens, it is out of my hands. I am in the right place and it feels so good.

Before I left I went to Half Price Books to pick out a book on tape for my 21 hour drive up by myself. I sifted though the shelves at least twice and had a couple mediocre options. The third time something jumped out at me. "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I hadn't seen it the first 2 times. I didn't know a lot about it but I was interested because a) the things I have heard have been good b) I know they are making it into a movie with Julia Roberts c) my friend Jen posted a talk by Elizabeth on her blog about the writing process which I found fascinating. So I bought it.

Let me just say I listened to all 13 hours the first day and thought about it the entire 6 hours the second. It was...perfect. It has inspired me. to be happy. to stop worrying. to let go. to move on and to live and enjoy life as it happens. This has been culminating over a period of 9 months but hearing this book was the exclamation mark. for a new life.

and for 2 weeks now I have been happy. Caruso lost a shoe yesterday which was fine but it sort of irked me and I started thinking like I have the last 2 years and started to stress that at this rate we will never get anywhere and then I said "Andy, you are being irrational, let it go." and I did. Then today I went to get a Mcflurry at Mcdonalds and they were out of icecream and as I was driving away I thought, "fucking Mcdonalds, what kind of idiot doesn't have icecream?" and then I said, "Andy, let it go." and I did.

I don't know how else to describe it other than I feel like I am living again, and have slowly started to over the past 9 months. I am free.

I do get sad when I think about all the friends I have made and kept over the past couple years. I want to share with them all this immense joy but hate doing it over the phone or by emails. It was those friends who have made the past couple years, and past couple months worth while. I miss them all so horribly. But I feel so blessed to have them, and to still laugh when thinking about them, and it brings me great joy; a joy that no pain or fear could ever shake.

And so here I am living life, breathing in all my thanks and all my joy and breathing out all the anguish and fear.

Rejoice. because God is good. and with God all things are possible.