Happy.

The sun is so cunning. So deceptive. It's warmth is so illusive. I just want to run outside in a t-shirt and greet the sun with open arms. "We've been waiting for you for so long," I would say. But the cold would greet me long before the sun ever would, and the joy of running outside in a t-shirt would be long forgotten.

If only I could buy a mousetrap that was equally as cunning.

I have been here a whole month already, which signifies the longest I've ever been away from home. It's scary to think about, but its equally as empowering. This week has been pretty significant I guess you could say. First of all, it's been a week since I filled up my gas tank and I still have 1/4 tank left. So, there's that. Secondly, I found out officially that I'll be riding in the Lippizan performances they put on. There is one in Indiana the first week in April and then there are the ones taking place here in the summer- that doesn't make me nervous at all....Lets see, what else. I've been learning how to long line, which is pretty fun. Jochen long lined Caruso on Thursday and they worked on half steps. Jochen was really impressed. So was Caruso too I guess. He said he possesses a "natural talent for piaffe and passage," which "not many horses have." So, there's my 2 seconds to brag. So, that was exciting, although, Rebekah and Hans already could of told you that... 

The riding this week has been great- I've started riding more horses which is always fun. I've also started reading more. I finally got that book "Dressage Masters." Like "Klaus Balkehol: A Man and His Training Meathods," it has a lot of wonderful stuff to say but more importantly it has wonderful pictures, and as we all know- they are worth a thousand words. I am constantly filling my brain with beautiful pictures and video of fabulous riding in hopes that one day my body will magically say "oh, I see, that's how it feels it should look!" I was reading the other day what Klaus has to say about teaching, that one must never "fundamentally alter a students individual riding characteristics." I thought it was fascinating to think that we all have individuality as riders, that there is not just one mold of which we must fit. Maybe, with some luck, I'll become a hybrid of Klaus, Isabell, and Steffen....or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Little by little the pieces begin to fall into place, and little by little me and Caruso begin to understand. I've begun to feel more and more a horse that is connected equally in my leg, seat, and hand, I've begun to feel more and more how much easier it is to perform movements when everything is equally connected, and I've begun to realize more and more how each individual movement has a purpose. It was such a wonderful revelation too. Every movement is used as a means of training, as a means of connecting, and therefore when we are riding we are always training- and always connecting. Everything we do has a purpose behind it, and we can use the movements accordingly. I only wish I knew exactly how. We use shoulder in the most, not solely for the purpose of "riding a shoulder in," but we use it as a means to create bend and connect their hind end under- that they work through their bodies, and ultimately push up and use their backs. Again, they must mold around our legs and yield from them. My hands never pull, but they can lead if they need to- in order to guide the horse around my seat and leg- to show them the bend. When I have that feeling of suppleness through their bodies it is so easy then to keep them straight- when they are equally connected on my seat bones, I feel their body perfectly centered between my legs, and I feel their back pushing up and engaging. Then it becomes much easier to collect. In reading a lot of Steffen Peters he is very clear that in the beginning of creating suppleness you must forfeit a lot of the engagement behind- that comes later, after his horses are supple. He is also very clear that in using your leg, you use the whole leg, from the thigh to below the knee. Using my leg doesn't just mean pressing my calf in his side as hard as I can with my knee pointed out, but rather my leg as a unit works to create the bend. 

On a more personal note, I'm beginning to find that I learn more by becoming more assertive; not hoping something that feels wrong looks good, but trying new things, making a lot of mistakes, and trying again. I should trust my instincts, act on them, and learn to develop my individuality in riding. I am here to learn after all, and I will make a million mistakes before I find that feeling of the great masters in the pictures. But I will.