Happy.

Caruso Caruso Caruso, my dear
How long till we change and move from here
Caruso Caruso Caruso, I fear
That we must wait for another year


This past weekend I flew down to Houston to visit some friends and hang out with my family. It was pretty fun and relaxing. I visited Hearthstone which is always great. My trip was good. As always, it could have been longer, but my duty as a lowly working student was calling me back to Illinois. You know what they say, work before friends and family. Work first, friends and family second, and God third. That's what they say.

I turned 20 on Monday. Big whoop. I ate tooo many sweets. Andy. Don't eat so much sugar. As fate would have it, I wound up with a bad stomach virus Tuesday night and had to stay home on Wednesday so I didn't puke on everyone in sight. It wasn't fun. But here I am, better than ever. Okay, not better than ever, but better. I couldn't have picked a worse week to get sick. Tomorrow starts the Tempel show. Fun stuff. I am aiming and imaginary gun at my head and pulling an imaginary trigger. Saturday we are putting on an abbreviated performance for the competitors. I am riding in it and long reining a horse to jump the courbette. I'm a little nervous about that. So. I need to go to bed early tonight so I can be up bright and early ready to braid and groom.....

But Andy. you aren't tired.

Okay. How gross is this? I helped deliver a baby tonight and I just looked down at my jeans and they have huge watery blood stains on them. gross. right?

Andy. Go change your pants.

So... what is the common thread in the past/ upcoming week? No time for Caruso. I am a horrible horse owner. ARrg.

It's always strange to go home and visit with friends and family. Who has time for that these days? Oh, wait, everyone? normal people do. I miss it. It's like looking into a life I could have had; a life I could have had if I wasn't so involved in horses. It makes me realize how isolated I am up here. Aside from people I work with, I know absolutely not a single living sole in Illinois. period. I have no life. My work is my life. Horses are my life. When is there time for people and real conversations? I guess I can't have it all.

I'm not saying I regret my decision in coming here in the least, but I can see how from one angle it's an amazing opportunity where I can do what I love and from another angle it's just a sad lonely life. Usually I see it as an unbelievable opportunity to do what I love and live my dream but every so often I realize that at the end of the day it's just me and my Caruso, and he's only my friend because I force him to be. How sad is that!

Where am I going with this? I don't know. I need to go to bed. I should eat dinner first. too late.

Progress with Caruso= progress in my life. Maybe I shouldn't measure it that way. That's the way it is. I feel stuck. I don't know if I'll ever get the flying changes on Caruso. I've just come to accept it, and, you know what, it's going to be okay. I came to terms with not going to young riders and I've come to terms with never riding Caruso in anything above 2nd Level. It's okay. But, at the end of the day my ambition shouldn't make me love Caruso any less. He has been a great friend to me, and, because he is not necessarily here by his choice, it is my responsibility to make sure he has the best quality of life possible. I haven't been able to do that this week and I hate it..

Which reminds me, I need to look up a joint supplement to give to Caruso. I will buy Caruso the best joint supplement the world has to offer!

.....as long as it's cheap.