Happy.

It's night time and I can't sleep. What's new...

I'm on the verge of making a huge life decision. I don't know what it is yet.

I don't know if I'll ever know.

I need answers.

Should I stay in houston. ride some horses here. go to college part time. put my dreams on hold. maybe make progress on caruso. or should I go somewhere else. work hard. learn and absorb. figure caruso out. put off college indefinitely.

I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction by everyone who cares about me. Everyone thinks I should do something different. Everyone and their good intentions.

How can I possibly do the right thing.....

Why do I hate college so much? I don't know, but my boils every time I think of it. I think it's more the idea of college and what it symbolizes. giving up on my dream. giving into the pressures of society. becoming just like everyone else. Everyone else who I have spent my entire life trying not to be like.......

What's best for me? What's best for my dear dear caruso? How the hell can I possibly know when every f-ing time I think I know what to do it all blows up in my face?

"That's life." "That's apart of growing up." "Everyone goes through this."

That doesn't help me.

dammit. I don't know what to do.